The Lines on My Face

Lately, I have been going around with my expired passport tucked into my wallet. Why? I honestly don't remember but it was for a good reason I am sure...I think. Anyway, I took it out Sunday while at lunch with a young friend as a quirky conversation piece and my friend says, "Aw, I remember that face! That's what you looked like when you first came to Alaska!" Now, she didn't mean anything sinister what-so-ever by her comment but it got me thinking about how much my life, and more superficially speaking my face, has changed in the past 12 years!
 I looked at that picture and I thought to myself, "Man, I miss that face!" My mother tells me all the time that I still look very much like the baby she remembers giving birth to 30+ years ago. I love her for saying these things to me, and I know she means what she says, but she's my mother and the big forehead, the large eyes and the full mouth are reminiscent of baby Falanya for her. For myself, when I look into the mirror I see the acne scarred, pre-maturely lined, and ever expanding Lupus ravaged face that I've been getting too used to looking at everyday.

Then I read the following poem written by Leti @Dreaminloudy that she posted on her blog:

There are lines upon my face, from pain and sorrow

There are lines on this tired face, for fear of a painful tomorrow

My face gives away the life I once had, and the life I lead now

It lacks the sunshine that use to break through tears and the clouds

I look at myself with sadness as I do not see the me I use to know

I look at myself as if I'm a stranger, as the years have started to show

And as I walk away, I stop and turn around. I look at my face again

And I decide to make peace with that old friend

And the lines upon my face are not only there because of pain

But they are there because of all the sunshine I let in

They are lines from a lifetime of smiles and laughter

A lifetime of memories, and all of my happy ever afters

My face is a reflection of how I have chosen to live

To love, laugh, accept, and forgive

And I realized that by wishing to erase the lines on my face, I'd be turning my back on all that I have learned, about myself and others, that have contributed to the person I am at the moment. I hate what Lupus has done to my face, but I love the person that it has helped to mold!

Thanks Leti!